Friday, June 29, 2012

Guest Blog: The Writing Partner Tango


My name is Francene Stanley, and these are my experiences with a writing partner.

Four years ago, I first 'met' Edith Parzefall on The Internet Writing Workshop. She gave wonderful critiques for three novels I posted, one chapter a week. And I did the same for her--probably not so well at the start due to lack of skill. The experience forged our friendship.

My original novels featured a gentle woman wearing an inherited moonstone ring which whisked her away into visions. Just recently, I missed Liliha and wanted to reconnect. It just so happened I had skimmed over six months of her life. I decided to use this time to good advantage. Lonely, Liliha needed a purpose to hold her life together. Unable to stop a perpetrator in her vision, she decided to search for him in real life. Only natural--that's what I'd do. And so Liliha became a detective of sorts in trying to track him down and rectify the offence she'd seen in her vision.

I couldn't say I'm clever like Rick and his protagonist. My main character is a quiet woman who sees everything with understanding eyes--suspecting nobody of any evil. Rather like me. Funny that.

During our critique sessions, Edith influenced my writing, not so much my style, but by demonstrating how to create a unique voice for different characters. She pointed out that the charming rogue in Still Rock Water sounded too sophisticated for a man with his background and rewrote a few paragraphs to establish a different voice for Harry. This first exercise in collaboration encouraged me to experiment and planted the seed for a series set in the future.

When I contacted her with the idea of writing a post-apocalyptic fantasy series based on my theme of a moonstone ring, she agreed to join me as co-author. She went along with the way I'd begun the story and wrote scenes for several characters, made them her own and eventually changed them as they took over in the imagery of writing. Double Dragon Publishing released the first book, Wind Over Troubled Waters in April.

Together we've written three more books:

*  Knights in Dark Leather (coming out soon)
*  Golden Submarine (ready)
*  Long Doom Calling (ready)

...all with the warped name of a song as the title. And each critiqued by the wonderful people at the Internet Writing Workshop.

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Book Review: "Discreet Activities"


If you like vigilante justice, you will probably like Discreet Activities by Claude Bouchard. Thematically, it's a Charles Bronson Death Wish on steroids. On the subject matter side, this is a love it or hate it novel. I love it when terrorists' butts are kicked and kicked soundly. However, there is a negative psychogical bent to the well-funded, -groomed, and -connected, above-the-law good guys (shades of The Star Chamber) that makes them one step away from being legalized terrorists themselves. There is a remorselessness about the murder and mayhem they perform for the sake of Canadian justice, and that makes them cardboard characters in the story. It could be argued by the end of the story that the reader has a better feel for some of the "minor" league terrorists than the good guys. But again, there isn't close to the level of understanding about terrorist motivation in this book that there was in the movie, Syriana.

The short novel moves, which is one good thing. It's also a bad thing. I found myself skimming over some of the more mundane dialogue that often passed for informational dumps and some of the step-by-step narration of character movements, which took the place of deepening the plot. Some of the technical tools of the trade were interesting, but again seemed to be detailed to the point of showing off the research not heighten the story line. The diversions (sub-plots) from the main plot are more to show how bad-ass the "good" guys are rather than taking the time to strengthen and deepen the main plot and intrigue. The grammatical faux pas are nothing about which to get a twist in your knickers.

The author does continually raise the stakes, though the tension is often diminished because the good guys moves are played out ahead of time. A number of reader surprises are rendered flat because of this technique. And to that end, there is only one major plot twist within the body of the story that is well played out. There is a nice reversal at the end, and one final dig that was nicely, though implausible dropped into the end of the story. If you like drop-kicking bad guys, it's a four. But for thriller aficionados, it's a ho-hum three.

Monday, June 25, 2012

MMWUC: Editing for Zombies

Got so busy editing, I forgot to think of something witty for Monday morning. Then, Sydney (my cockatiel for those not paying attention), slept in and didn't wake me. Doesn't mean I have anything witty or instructive to say now that I've had a cup of coffee, but I'll give it the old college try.

The first of my nine "Da Guidelinez For A Writer's Journey" listed down the right-hand side of my blog is as follows:

If real estate can be boiled down to three words: location, location, location, then writing can too: tighten, tighten, tighten. With tightening, look for plot or character tension on each page (see Maass' "Writing the Breakout Novel"). Avoid unnecessary details and wordiness. Remember the rule of three--most people only remember up to three things in a list. Watch for redundancy. Ensure your dialogue moves the story forward.


According to feedback from my current WIP, I need to follow my own advice more closely. When I responded to my Caribbean friend about her wise comments, this is what popped out of my head.


PLEASING EVERYONE
-----------------
Getting everything right for every reader is a problem. In fact, it has inspired another story about a frustrated writer who travels to the Caribbean on vacation after receiving yet another rejection from a targeted agent who blasts the literary aspects of his novel. While in the Caribbean, the writer runs into his greatest nemesis, the woman who told him to write in those changes that infuriated the agent. He plots revenge. He kills her and frames her live-in boyfriend for her murder. However, he can't leave because a hurricane hits the island, grounds the planes, and destroys the jail. It frees the boyfriend, who knows the truth about her murder. Morally unable to kill the writer, the boyfriend seduces with his charms a local voodoo-woman, who is a voracious reader and hates poorly written books. He promises to be her lover if she raises his dead girlfriend as a zombie to kill the writer.


The writer waits in a shabby motel full of trapped Portuguese vacationers. But when the writer meets up with the zombized girlfriend whose mumbling, "Brains," in a German-Spanish accent, a confused Portuguese Water Dog thinks she said, "Bacon," and jumps on the fragile zombie-girl, killing her, and eating what's left of her brains in the process out of hunger. After terrorizing the trapped tourists, the zombie dog is finally put down. The writer sweats out another long day's delay fearful the police are on to him. However, when the writer finally flies out, he's upgraded to first class, and a drunk and flirtatious Katy Perry settles into the seat next to him on the connecting flight out of Miami. She invites him to stay with her in New York City when they land, because her new boyfriend is boring elitist snob. They land and catch a cab. They kanoodle in the cab as the writer anticipates a free weekend of Katy-love. As they arrive at the hotel, a man opens the cab's door. It's the agent who had rejected the writer. The agent is also Katy's boyfriend. The agent and the boyfriend get into an argument on the sidewalk. The agent kills the writer. (Yeah, literally and metaphorically.)


The agent dies before going to trial. The writer's estate finds an agent for the book. It becomes a mega-bestseller, selling 70,000,000 copies in a year, more than Dan Brown's "The DaVinci Code". Exonerated from the murder of his girlfriend, the island girl's boyfriend sues for some of the royalties on behalf of her and her input, which he now claims mostly came from him. He wins $22,567,342.82. He meets Katy Perry at the trial. They fall in love, but the girlfriend is raised from the dead one last time. Death by canine is against rule 7.23.4 in the Voodoo Handbook, and she hadn't fulfilled the murderous portion of her unholy contract. Zombie-girl kills the boyfriend by collapsing in pieces on him, sticking a rib through his rib cage into his heart while he and Katy were making love. Katy freaks and joins a convent. The voodoo-women rejoices over her revenge and is last scene hatching a plan to raise her former lover, the agent. Though he hated the book as much as she did, he needs to pay for leaving her and taking up with Katy. All this proves is that no book pleases everyone and sometimes the editing consequences can be deadly.

Friday, June 22, 2012

Guest Blog: Dangling Modifiers, Gangling Grammer


Sometimes, I'll come across laughable images which materialize from sentences that mean one thing but are understood as something else altogether. No, I am not talking about irony (simulated ignorance, contrariness in wit) or rhetoric (an impressive lack of sincerity); those are literary and verbal techniques intended to put a spin on language and circumstance. The culprit, of course, is the dangling participle or misplaced modifier (aka dangling modifiers), those humorous errors in sentence structure that leave our words hanging. I know I have done this subconsciously in my own writing, and perhaps you have, too.

Let's look at it another way. You wouldn't make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich from ham and cheese, would you? Nor would you call a BLT combo a Fluffernutter sandwich. Each meal is distinct and implies nothing else (I don't know why I'm thinking about food right now!). Likewise, you wouldn't want to place confusion in your writing? Here are examples where language has gone wrong structurally, leaving us with a few good laughs along the way:

Biking in the rain, the cluttered storefront provided his family the closest shelter.—or—
Jogging along the path, the grazing deer suddenly raised their heads then bolted from view.
—and this—
The young girl spotted an ice cream truck near the corner dusting off her messy clothes.—or even this—
Rusted beyond repair, I took the old lawnmower to the alley and got rid of it.


Who, I ask, is biking in the rain (the cluttered storefront?) or jogging along the path (the grazing deer? That would be a sight for St. Nicklaus!). Is the ice cream truck doing the dusting off then? And who is rusted beyond repair? (I feel that way sometimes, yes, but not today! So it must be the old lawnmower that's rusted then.) These are dangling participles or misplaced modifiers, or as I like to call it—gangling grammar. And any sentence structured like the ones I mention above will prick and tickle an editor pouring over your labor of love, your submitted work.

To help sort out the confusion, let me begin by stating that a verb (a doing word) must always point to its noun (the subject). We know this, yes? But we also have variations in verbs, and a participle is one variation formed from a verb; as well, it can show the characteristics of both verbs and adjectives (in some languages, as adverbs, too). For example, jog is a verb, and jogging is a present participle of jog. Bear with me here if all this is mindless drivel to your practiced ears. So I could say jogging along the path, which becomes a participial phrase, because it contains the present participle and because it isn't a full sentence by itself. If I were to draw out a complete sentence I would say, I went jogging along the path. Here, went jogging points correctly to the subject I.

We wind up with a dangling participle when the phrase jogging along the path cannot correctly point to its subject (noun) in a sentence, whether complete, compound, or complex; and the dangling often takes place when the participial phrase is placed at the front of the sentence. So to use the example from above with the grazing deer:

Jogging along the path, the grazing deer suddenly raised their heads then bolted from view.

We know fully well that you, or I, or someone other than the grazing deer went jogging along the path. (And if deer can jog along a path then I am good for grazing, going cold before headlights, and taking flight at the slightest disturbance.) All the same, we need to place the correct subject in its rightful place in a sentence that might be written like this:

1. As I went jogging along the path, the grazing deer suddenly raised their heads then bolted from view.
—or this—
2. Jogging along the path, I startled the grazing deer who suddenly raised their heads then bolted from view.

Misplaced modifiers work the same way, and #2 is an example of one. Notice how my "jogging" phrase in front now points correctly to the subject I. Modifiers are usually adjectives (for e.g., large) and nouns (for e.g., sun) that are used as attributes to qualify or modify a greater noun (large sun room). A misplaced modifier should point to the correct noun, as shown in my example #2 above. Grammar pundits, including Fowler, Kenneth Wilson, Patricia O'Conner and others insist that misplaced modifiers create no ambiguity in the reader, although the reader is bound to hesitate or become rattled by the writer's blunder. Here's another misplaced example (note the passive voice, another contributor to the problem):

Having read the book, my critique was read to the entire class.


In fact, I read the book, not my critique, but a reader would understand what is meant in the sentence, however wrong it may be by its odd structure. In A Writer's Reference, Sixth Edition online, Diana Hacker says, "Though it may be a good thing to amuse readers now and again, most of us would prefer to do so intentionally. When we write a dangling modifier, the joke is at our expense."

So to grammatically correct the misplaced modifier, I should write:  Having read the book, I read my critique to the entire class.


While working with an author recently, a few dangling modifiers showed up in the finished draft, and I spared no time marking up the guilty sentences. Now, wait a minute! That's not what I meant to say, although that sentence might sound right and make it seem as if there isn't any confusion. I, not the few dangling modifiers, had been working with an author recently. So let me recast the sentence: While working with an author recently, I ran across a few dangling modifiers that showed up in the finished draft, and I spared no time marking up the guilty sentences and sending them to the cleaners.

Ignatius Valntine Aloysius is a member of the American Copy Editors Society. He lives in Evanston, Illinois, and occupies a small farmhouse there that once used to be a barn. When he isn't teaching or working in his design studio, he writes fiction and poetry to keep his mind warm and fuzzy.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Book Review: "No Mercy" by Wendy Cartmell

No Mercy is a short anthology of short stories. The centerpiece features Sergeant Major Crane, who inhabits other stories by the author. Short stories; short review. The story with Crane is too brief to develop his overall character or demonstrate the range of his detective skills. He seems short-sighted as to his case, relying on luck and a nearly unprovoked confession to solve it. I am not sure if Crane is the accidental detective (Clouseau), relying on others to get things done, or the deceptive detective (Colombo), disarming others with his manner. The author does a good job, however, with the physical attributes of the detective and other persons in the collection of stories. The book's real gem is the short-short, The Telephone Call, which was the only story with a real surprise twist after the twist to the not too concealed plot line. Kudos on that. Overall, these nicely written stories are a good read, but break little new ground as mystery fiction or surprising us with shocking twists. It's a safe read on the commute to work and earns an overall very positive "3".

Monday, June 18, 2012

MMWUC: Yearning for Learning

It's almost 7 a.m., and I know where I should be. I should be at the 25th Anniversary of the Writers Retreat Workshop being held this year at the Villa Maria Retreat Center in Frontenac, Minnesota. The Early Bird Session is beginning. Pajama-clad writers crawl into the room with intravenous tubes linking them to giant coffee containers. They close the curtain against a brilliant morning sun like vampires dreading another day yet compelled to participate, yearning for learning. A writer seeks help. The featured guests or staff or agents or publishing representatives or advanced students lean forward, either eager to help or because the room is slanted. The eager beaver writer shatters the morning mumbling.

"My story is about this good-looking average Joe guy who isn't feeling well and goes to his doctor to find out what's wrong with him because he's never been sick before, or doesn't remember being sick before. The doctor runs some test. It turns out that the average Joe guy is really an space alien with amnesia. So naturally the government gets involved with blackhawk helicopters and big, black SUVs, and what's up with that? You'd think the government would wise up that everyone knows it's them coming so they'd switch to hi-powered rebuilt Yugos to throw everyone off. Anyway, turns out his fiancee is a high-powered lawyer, kind of like Gloria Allred on steroids, and she's able to get him due process because of some of the "Alien" laws that have been passed, and she gets some sympathetic judge to agree the the term alien also applies to him. She gets him out of jail on bond, but it turns out the reason he's feeling bad is because he's mutating into a higher life form. He eats her. It's okay though. No one liked her. Now he's really on the run."

"Okay, so what is your issue?" Elizabeth Lyon asks.

"Should I have him floss after eating her?"

Yes, I will return to WRW in 2013. Everyone should move out of their comfort zone on occasion and go to a workshop or conference to be with the other birds in their flock, get re-energized, learn new things about the art of writing, or re-learn things that break you out of the bad habits that have developed along the way. My 7 a.m. early morning session today is with me, myself, and I. Sydney, my cockatiel, only kibitzes when he feels like it. His own novel is stuck now after: GRT DJW S OEMMD. Don't ask me. I don't speak Australian Cockatiel. Writing may be a singular activity, but it should never be a lonely occupation.

And I would most certainly have the alien floss. He needs to make a good impression to both Obama and Romney to be able to stay in the country.

So, what do you think? Do nothing? Brush only? Floss only? Brush and floss? Brush, floss, and mouthwash for that minty after lawyer-eating breath? Inquiring minds want to know.

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Book Review: "Deadly Aim" by Patricia H. Rushford


The "quiet" town of Sunset Cove, Oregon has supplanted Cabot Cove, Maine as the murder capital of America by the end of Patricia H. Rushford's Deadly Aim. This romantic, mystery novel with a sprinkling of religious overtones follows Officer Angel Delaney as she is dragged through an internal investigation after she shoots a 12-year-old boy during a failed pharmacy hold-up. He dies. Then things get really nasty after the body count piles up as the Drug Overlord starts to cover his tracks and the African-American community gets stirred up over a white cop gunning down an innocent little boy.

I say romantic, because of the considerable POV shifting between Angel and new cop in town, Detective Callen Riley, whose tasked with finding out what the heck is going on with the boy's death and the increasing body count. Any time two characters share head space, it's not hard to figure out the arc of that part of the story. The other romantic pairings just seem convenient. I say mystery, because it is a whodunit. Several potential suspects weave in and out of the story, but only two seem really plausible. The family play dynamics is well done; the quality of the investigation seems to waver at times from procedural step-by-step accuracy to 'Oh hell, let's wing this.'

Overall though, it is story filled with a lot of reasonably interesting characters, lots of food making and eating, and scenes on a beach (always a plus for me). The author does use her twists and turns to good affect. The tension ramps up, but by the end, I admit, I was saying, let's end this. This is a good plane ride read: not so deep that you forget to get off the plane and end up in Ulan Bator, but good enough that you can ignore the person next to you and their out-of-focus pictures. It squeezes into a size "4".

Monday, June 11, 2012

MMWUC: Where's Rick?

Rick is wigging out this morning. For inspiration on your Monday Morning Wake-Up Call, he gives you this exercise: push-ups.

As far as writing is concerned, just write. Sometimes you just have to get back to the basics. Riff on about whatever, even your thoughts about how stupid this riffing exercise is, but keep looking up at the junk you've collected around you. Throw some of that into your riff. It's the opposition of ideas that often generates the most interesting stories. Go forth...forget the rules, guidelines, what you've been told in classes, seminars, from panels, or writing books...just write. Let the words drip from the end of the keyboard.

Today I have to get another two of those nasty basil carcinoma spots excised from my body. Six-to-nine stitches and we're done, but what if...

An unfamiliar doctor enters the room, "Oh, where's Dr. Jones?" I ask.

"She's unavailable," he says, his voice unemotional, his manner cold. No extended hand in greeting. No chit-chat to comfort me, and I feel so in need of comfort in my backless gown and....

"Lie down."

I comply. He seems to know what he's doing. Goes directly to the spot on my arm and swabs it with the numbing agent. The spot on the leg is slightly bigger, and there's almost a grin on his face when he slathers it with the same agent. It seems generous and beyond anything I've had before. Then the needle comes out. It's a good sized needle, but nothing I haven't seen before.

"For pain," he says.

"Yeah, right," I jest. The pain is somewhat beyond the stinging of the needle for the purposes of numbing when he inserts it in my arm, then my leg. He sighs once he's done then a slowly building laugh eeks out of his closed mouth.

"You don't remember me, do you?"

I look closer. "No."

The door bursts open. Two cops train their gun on him. He raises the needle with one hand and grabs me with the other. They shoot. The sound is deafening in the small room, and the force of the blasts push him away from me as I struggle out of his grasp. He's resilient, and it takes a dozen shots before one cop reaches out and pulls me away. The needle falls to the floor. The man crumples. Blood flows.

Dr. Jones and even more police invade the small room. They hustle me out.

"Thank goodness we got here in time," Dr. Jones says. "Be thankful he didn't prick you with the needle."

"But he did. Twice," I say. I start to shake. The pain in my leg and arm grows.

A look of horror comes across her face. The cops back away. Their guns now trained on me.
- - -
Now I really don't want to go to the doctors.

Write on! Write on!! Brothers and sisters, amen. Write on!!!

Friday, June 8, 2012

Guest Blog: She's MIA. You'll have to do with me.


This is a test of the emergency guest blog system. This is only a test. Should this have been an actual emergency, you would have had better things to be doing than reading this. This is only a test.
- - -
Yesterday, on the Internet Writing Workshop, someone sent me, and other great thinkers and writers, a link (no longer working) to an article titled:  Is Writing an Art or a Craft?  After Googling the topic to do research, I received 200,000,000 hits (seriously). On the IWW, I decided to answer thusly.
- - -
(Y'all need to read this with a southern accent in your head even though I'm originally from New Jersey.)

You can't spell craft without "a"..."r"..."t".

We're splitting definitional hairs, and I'm too busy crafting my next novel into a work of art so future generations can shell out big bucks for a first edition of my literary masterpiece.



Art is in the eye of the beholder. Some paintings, pictures, and books are pieces of dog do-do that don't resonate with anyone but the plumber, unplugging the toilet after those items are flushed. Some paintings, pictures, and books can take a person's breath away or change their lives. You want to call me a craftsman or artist or writer or novelist or author, go ahead...it's all good. It's even better if you call me one of those fancy names while leaving me a 5-star review on Amazon, paying $13.99 for the paperback of One Promise Too Many because that's my biggest profit margin, and posting on Facebook (after you change your password) that Rick Bylina is a genius and his writings changed my life. But don't call me a bum. Only my mother-in-law can do that with impunity.

Notice, you can't spell masterpiece without "a"..."r"..."t" either.

The beaver family down the creek from me built a dam where the farmer and his contractor failed to do so twice over the past 20 years. The beaver's damn dam is masterpiece of engineering that withstood the illegal attempt by the farmer to dynamite it. Farmer's dead now. Explosives accident, I hear tell. But he has the watering hole he wanted all along thanks to the beaver's craft and resultant work of art. Of the farmer, well, as Leslie Winkle would say, "Dumb ass."

I am that I am: a scribbler of words. Had I been an actual writing genius, I would have probably written something prophetic by now. No, I'm just a Joe who enjoys words, tells some good stories, understands the craft but can't always execute it without a cheat sheet. A Joe, who has problems with the details, spelling, and micro-hairsplitting grammar concepts. Nevertheless, I keep working at it. Genius is state to strive for. Keep trying and maybe no one will notice that you didn't make it to that state, but your art did.

Notice agin (sic), you can't spell author without "a"..."r"..."t" either. Webster works in mysterious ways.

P.S. God spelled backwards is dog. Mind-blowing.
- - -
This has been a test of the emergency guest blog system. Should this have been an actual emergency, we'd all be looking for someone with whom we could spending eternity blogging. This was only a test.

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Book Review: "Violence" by Timothy McDougall


Violence by Timothy McDougall is a great story with a strong ending but written in an odd style. The author claims to have done screenplay writing, and I think that may have affected his approach. Too many asides and infodumps peppered this story. I have no idea how many Points-of-View (POVs) showed up. It's irrelevant when done seamlessly; however, the head-hopping made me stop and have to re-read passages to correctly identify the character I was reading about. Some minor characters' POVs weren't even needed. Movies bounce POVs endlessly, but the visual helps the watcher stay focused. In this novel, bouncing and unnecessary POVs made staying deep in the story difficult at times. It may be difficult for many readers to fall in love with the overall reading experience with this novel because of these elements.

But, if you love police procedurals or courtroom details, you might forgive the above issues. I love details. I just wish they had been more artfully folded into the story. The omniscient courtroom POV broadcast too much, told you background detail, motivations, minutia, tidbits, and thought process that didn't help the flow of the story, and in many cases, seemed unnecessary. Let it flow, Tim. Set us up, and let it rip. If this is the quality of plotting that this author can generate, I see greatness in his future. There are passages of excellent writing, in particular, when the protag takes a neurotic OCD female church office worker to dinner. The writing, dialogue, and scene twists are five-star. I wanted more of this. However, this story needed more attention to the story-telling craft. I did enjoy the story, but the overall experience was just average. It is a strong "3".

MINOR SPOILER ALERT.

And yet, for all the details, all the facts, and all the importance placed on phone usage, a key element of testimony around which the defense rested its case was never mentioned, resolved, clarified, or brought up. And I waited for it! When did the wife call the three amigos and how did she know their number? D'oh!

Monday, June 4, 2012

MMWUC: Writers are Driven by Story

If you read last week's MMWUC (Monday Morning Wake-Up Call), you know that I drove from Raleigh, NC to Salt Lake City (SLC), Utah in three days last week to deliver a car to my niece so that my newest grand-niece (#10) can be styling when driven by her parental chauffeurs. If you didn't know, you do now. After arriving, my niece asked, "How was the trip?" I replied, "Uneventful." "I'm sorry," she said. "Don't be," I answered. "Uneventful is good for a long drive." Now, however, I think I've been ripped off of writerly inspirational material. What would Jack Kerouac do?

My trip was 2,201 miles. I saw not a single accident or the remains of an accident or perceived a hint of danger that I might end up in an accident. Not that I want to get in an accident or wish ill-will to others, but that's a long way without mayhem. Other than an unsuccessful suicidal prairie dog, dodging cars going 65 mph, no buffalo stampeded, no deer or antelope roamed, no buzzards circled overhead, looking longingly for my considerable carcass, no wolves, coyotes, wild dogs howled into the night, sending shivers up my spine. A stretch of I-74 in Illinois, however, looked like America's killing fields with about 25 dead deer in a 30 mile stretch...and then...none thereafter. Do the deer in Illinois march in herds relentlessly to six lane highways like hordes of lemmings to the sea in the Arctic? The only creature of note was a bunny in Peoria. I parked for a night's rest after 824 miles. When I opened the car door, the bunny was sitting on its hind feet chewing whatever bunny's chew. He/she/it seemed to smile. Did it want some food? Did it want to play? Did it want to hitchhike to SLC? I left a handful of cashews on the ground, and then went inside for a date with Mr. Sandman. The cashews were gone in the morning. I hope he liked the nuts.

I did have lunch with fellow writer Carol Kean in Iowa City, Iowa, the second day. (Did they run out of creative names at some point in Iowa?) It was nice meeting her and her family. And then the drive was on in earnest. Groves of trees became groupings became stately iconic reminders of forests became bent to the wind, bowed against time, scrubby trunks with few branches became no more. Lush grass and happy, colorful cows gave way to grumpy, dark-skinned cows. Then came vast expanses where cows came in ones and twos, still uninterested in my 75 mph passing "moo" until only lonely windmills lined ridges in Wyoming and the occasional cow peaked from behind rocks in eroded and parched ravines. The feeling of never being so incredibly exposed to everything and so private in the isolation enveloped me several times. Starkness has a beauty all to itself.

My Laramie, Wyoming Chuck Wagon waitress was young (20s), bouncy (I thought she was wearing pogo sticks) with orangey/red hair (but I'm color-blind). I looked into her eyes. "Do you sometimes want to flee and look for adventure on the open road? Or do all the weary travelers convince you there's no place like home?" She looked at the aging regulars with worn canes and runaway walkers, stared at the mom and dad road warriors with the chubby eight-year-old demanding McDonald's fries for lunch in a sit-down restaurant with real tablecloths, and then she sneaked a look at the surrounding mountains still frosted with snow and green from run-off. Her mega-watt smile said it all. "I like it here just fine." I ordered steak and eggs. My tip was generous.

Well, I'm thinking of flip-flopping on you. Maybe I haven't been ripped off of story inspiration on my adventure. I think I have the nucleus for several stories right here. It's all the matter of what you do with what you have. I wonder what adventure awaits the waitress at the "Chuck Wagon" in Laramie when a cow wanders up to the drive-in window one night just before closing. "Moo," it announces itself, and she's forced to tie him to the bumper of her rusty Chevy pickup to take home for the night, only to find out that the cow is a stolen prized sperm donor, and the guy who stole it had a heart attack. He's dead. She panics and flees to some hunky guy's cabin in the Medicine Bow National Forest. And now everyone is after my orangey/red haired waitress and her new cow, Carli Joy. I may have to go back and save her.

Did you ever find inspiration on the road? Let us know about it.

Friday, June 1, 2012

Guest Blog: Cooking English Novels With Exotic Seasoning by Edith Parzefall


Sometimes I wish I'd become a cameraman, uhm woman. See, that's where the trouble starts already.  Words can be such a nuisance. While German is my mother tongue (hm, my father tongue as well), I've wanted to write in English ever since attending the University of Puget Sound in Tacoma, WA.

Writers are taught to pay close attention to how people speak, act, behave... Well, there is no better motivation than being thrown into a foreign culture. Of course, in school I'd been taught British English as the more sophisticated, original flavor, sorry flavour. Well, ask Shakespeare how modern British English sounds to him.

In the US, I quickly adapted. Gotta fit in if you don't want to hear the question, "Oh, where are you from?" every time you open your mouth. Very important survival strategy since your answer might prompt a lengthy explanation of a complete stranger's family history. After a few weeks, I'd mastered a perfectly pronounced "Hi" that didn't raise questions.

Around that time I started thinking and dreaming in English. Years later, when I seriously attempted writing fiction, I started in German, but English phrases kept popping up in my head, particularly for dialogue. Naturally, I'd never listened to Germans so carefully, assuming they all talked like I do, which of course they don't.

Nudged and encouraged by American friends, I switched to writing in English. To add a little language challenge, I set my thriller Strays of Rio in Brazil, sprinkling in Portuguese, and my psychological suspense Crumple Zone in Chile, spiced with some Spanish. Fairly easy in comparison to what lay ahead.

A few years ago, Francene Stanley invited me to co-write a post-apocalyptic fantasy with her. Born in Australia, she has been living in the UK for decades. Since Wind Over Troubled Waters is set in Cornwall, I had to revert to British English--while I was still editing Strays written in American English. Fortunately, Francene never complained when she had to fix any of my slips into American spelling. In return, I weeded out her Australian instances of 'no-body'.

Since a US or UK publisher would have been far too boring language-wise, our Australian-German-British novel ended up with Canadian Double Dragon Publishing. I half-expected a South African editor for further coverage of English language flavors. Maybe for the next book in the series.
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Edith Parzefall can be contacted via her blog or website.

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Book Review: "Gnosis" by Tom Wallace


There is a lot to like in Gnosis by Tom Wallace, starting with lead detective, Jack Dantzler. He's the kind of detective I'd want on my side: smart, resourceful, and a thinker. Wallace has also created an intriguing story. Summoned to the state prison, Detective Dantzler is asked by a cock-sure, dying prisoner to solve a crime from 29 years ago of which he claims now to be innocent. I settle in for the read. And it's a good one with crisp dialogue, real characters, a too hot girlfriend, and some questions about that conviction that need to be asked and that draw Dantzler to accept then embrace the challenge to answer them.

While I enjoyed the read and recommend it to other mystery/thriller readers, it has some unanswered loose ends. Without giving away the ending, I was disappointed that, after all the build up, there wasn't the mano-a-mano confrontation between good and evil. With all the well-placed biblical references and tie-ins, my reader's appetite was whetted for a bang-up ending, but the ending just kind of petered out with almost a deus ex machina event to resolve the situation, but not case. What I got was a big wrap-up that was good, but a let down from expectations. The other funny/disturbing thing was that the gaggle of detectives at this locale seemed to have unlimited time (and no other cases) to cause them conflict.

Now that the bad guy is eliminated, I want to live next door to Dantzler on the lake and clink a bottle with him and chat up some of the women he's met on the way. Despite the grumbling on my part, this is a smooth, entertaining read with an ending that will satisfy most. It is a worthy "4."

Monday, May 28, 2012

MMWUC: Mind Tripping on the Road


"By the time I get to Bluefield, you'll be rising
You'll scratch yourself or roll over and snore
You'll laugh when you read my note that says I'm goin'
'Cause I've done these road trips so many times before."

I love that song by Glen Campbell...By the Time I Get to Phoenix. And yes, I'm on the road from Apex, NC to Salt Lake City, UT to bring a fancy car to a mysterious buyer. Let your imagination roam. It's a break from the every day: the computer, yard, garden, Sydney (poor baby), fish, and the writing. It's the pause that refreshes, the hatchery of ideas. It's 2,148 miles with a few accidents to miss, road construction, some tarring to foul the air, a few restaurants to try, and a visit with a writer-on-pause in Iowa. I have to buy my wife some pants that can only be found in Davenport, IA. Why? I don't know. They're waiting for me at checkout. Is it coincidence or story development that the writer and pants are in the same state?

"By the time I make North Platte, you'll be working
You'll prob'ly stop at lunch and twitter me
But you'll get no reply cause I'm not responding
Cursor blinking, tis all you'll see."

I need time on the road once in a while. My mind wanders. Stories erupt as I pass cars, wondering where the people are going by themselves or crammed in like little Vienna sausage weiners...maybe I'll get them at the next rest stop with some crackers. Perhaps I'll spot some cute redheaded girl with an unorderly march of freckles across the bridge of her nose, just sitting, waiting. What's she waiting for? Boyfriend? Husband? Has she been abandoned? How long has she been there at the central Wyoming rest stop. She could be 14 or 24. Hard to tell with freckles. Did she have a fight with her step-mother on the way to meet her step-dad. Poor kid. Neither birth parents left, just a lot of steps to tread alone. So sad. What's her story?

"By the time I make Green River, you'll be sleepin'
You'll turn softly and call me crazy
And you'll smile just to think of the stories I'm writin'
Tho' time and time I tried to tell you instead
There not real, if they're in my head."

I did bring my notebook: the graveyard and birthplace of so many stories. I can never quite figure out what makes one soar like a fat and happy mosquito and the next one crash like a distracted bug against a window. OMG! The redheaded girl just got eaten by a pack of zombie prairie dogs. They swarmed her and didn't stop with the brains. THEY ATE ALL OF HER! I thought prairie dogs were vegetarians. You'd never see that in North Carolina. Poor girl. Nothing left but an elderly grandmother, looking around befuddled, and a pair of skechers. Didn't help her get stay fit and escape. Damn you, Kim K! You lied to us. Stupid prairie dogs. They ate too much and now are causing accidents on the highway as they burst like popcorn in the hot mid-day sun. Time to go.

Road trips. Just what the mind needs now and then. What's your road story?

Friday, May 25, 2012

Guest Blog: "Laughing Out Loud" by Pauline F. Micciche


Does your writing make people laugh? Mine doesn’t.  It tends to be gloomy. I’d been trying to write with a lighter tone to see how it works for me.  Only I didn’t know how. So when I saw a five line squib in the local newspaper about the 2012 Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop I thought I might be able to learn a more light-hearted approach from the humor experts there.  I registered.
I wasn’t disappointed. Two of the sessions I attended were especially helpful, How I Converted 7,000 Hours of Work Into $10 Hard Cash and Then Turned a Single Stupid Idea into $37,000! by Tim Bete and The Six Million Dollar Column: How to Write Bigger, Funnier and Faster by Tracy Beckerman.
Tim believes that almost all humor comes from two ideas that don’t go together.  Tracy breaks humor down into its components. According to her, humor comes from the reader’s ability to relate to the setup, unexpected elements, and the humorous use of language. She sees three theories or approaches to humor. They include a situation in which one person takes advantage of another, incongruity between parts of a sentence or paragraph, and building up the story to some sort of relief.  She also shared twenty-two tools for creating humorous language, some of which are related.

When I got home I started writing what I hoped would be a funny report on my experience at the workshop.  But how to tell if I’d succeeded? I asked my husband to read it. He smiled at the end. Not what I’d hoped for. Then Tim’s presentation came to my rescue. He suggested submitting your writing to the local newspaper.  I researched the newspapers in my area. Not wanting to have the topic go stale or cool my own enthusiasm, I concentrated on newspapers who accepted contact via e-mail or Facebook. So I contacted the Springfield News Sun, the Fairborn Daily Herald, the Dayton City Paper, and the Dayton Daily News.  My post made it onto the Fairborn Daily Herald. No-one has liked it or commented on it – yet.
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Pauline Micciche writes fiction as P. F. Palm in the rare moments she isn't snuggling with her husband (Richard Palm) in Fairborn, Ohio.
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Photo: Mountain Man Rick ratcheting up the humor or his beard.

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Book Review: "The Bamboo Mirror" by Faith Mortimer


The short stories in The Bamboo Mirror are fine, but they break no new ground, which is a shame because they are reasonably well-written, clear, and with some settings that would, and do on some level, draw in the reader. Six short stories, teasers for four novels, and links to other writers complete this slim anthology. The Widow's Weeds started to paint a strong picture of a place few frequent, but the thin mystery ends before we can be totally submerged in the place and culture and story. The same is true for the titled story. The supernatural element is thinly veiled and the depth of time and place not nearly as deep as could have been drawn to heighten the reading experience. We are left to wait for an ending that is somewhat spoon-fed while expecting the heroine of Faith's novels to do more in her coming-out story. Two story endings are broadcast, leaving little surprise; two story endings are subtly intriguing but not shocking; two endings are sharper (The Cast Party and Making a Right), forcing the reader to pay closer attention, but they still didn't knock me out of my seat.

This is an average entertaining read with stories suitable for a long coffee break and not likely to keep you up at night with nightmares. I applaud the interesting marketing technique to garner new readers with a short story anthology and some novel teasers. It seems like a good move. It allows someone to sample a writer's material on a broader scope. It's a bonus for readers. While I don't bemoan the money I spent on the book, I had hoped for something more. All the stories straddle the fence between 3's and 4's. The overall affect for me, a very positive 3.

Monday, May 21, 2012

MMWUC: Something from Nothing is Something

This is not the post I wrote for today. That post is delayed, just like my trip to drive a car from Raleigh, NC to Salt Lake City, UT due to "paperwork interruptus". How shall I use my time during this delay when all those chores I do were neatly pre-done, put-off, re-arranged, and re-worked beforehand. I have an idea. I could shut down the social media and write. Ignore everyone and put some editing touches of a long-finished novel that I can't let go of. "Will anyone like it? Will they understand the nuances at the end? Will they get to the end? Is the protagonist too whiny? (I do have a bad habit of making my protagonists whiny in early drafts.) Is there enough action? Is there too much action? Am I waxing lyrical about the southern flora and fauna, or causing some readers to fall asleep in the hammocks of their mind?

We struggle as writers, write, re-write, get critiqued, edit, and then hope we find a good editor to beat some commonsense into our story before it goes live searching for "5" star reviews from people other than those on the friends and family plan.

Perhaps, with all of tomorrow's chores done, maybe Sydney and I will sleep long in the real backyard hammock and dream: him, about female cockatiels and me, about having written the story.

Friday, May 18, 2012

Guest Blog: "First Novel Journey: OUTLAWS" by Bill Weldy


Years ago while traveling west, I stopped along the edge of the highway in the early morning hours and gazed down on a beautiful valley nestled in the Idaho Mountains. An Emerald green lake surrounded by tall pine trees and dense forest contrasted the golden meadow leading to the lake. I envisioned a log cabin and small barn, with horses grazing. I fell in love with that spot and it imprinted itself forever in my memory.
Flash forward: During that time I was working swing shifts for the Dayton Police Department and often had difficulty falling to sleep. I developed the habit of envisioning that unforgettable setting In Idaho and thought of the process of building a log cabin – one log at a time. I veered off my thoughts to consider every aspect of what it would take to survive in total wilderness alone. Long story short, I drifted off to sleep. Over many years, I managed to get the cabin build in my mind but continued to visit the scene anytime I wanted to fall sleep. I still do.
I have tried to write stories all my life – stacks of finished and unfinished manuscripts crowd my files and desktop. But undying praise from friends and loved ones does not lead to a published novel. With the mantra of ‘write what you know’ firmly embedded, most of my novel attempts were crime/fight crime/mystery stories, with hundreds of rejections from publishers to accompany them. 
One night lying in bed thinking of my secret valley and the small farm I’d built in my head, I had difficulty thinking of something new to build or some new aspect of survival. Sleep wouldn’t come. “Write what you know”, flashed through my mind. I decided I needed to write a story about my secret place.
With only the setting as a starting point, I developed a protagonist totally different from me, but who possessed all my knowledge of having built this place over many years. I then set about (in my mind only) putting the character in life threatening situations and involving other characters to come up with a story. I quickly found that I could not get to sleep with these thoughts.
So I started to write the story. Coming up with a believable antagonist was the most difficult part. Thinking back on my police career and the criminals I’d dealt with didn’t help much (for a story in this isolated setting).  Not much activity there for organized crime mobs, no national security issues to involve terrorists, not many serial killers roaming the woods of southern Idaho. Then the Outlaws motorcycle gang popped into my head. Having had some dealings with them in my police career I knew they were mobile, nationwide in scope, vicious, lawless, and colorful. Perfect bad guys.
But why would they bother with a hermit farmer? Well, he periodically had to get supplies from someplace. Why not have the gang murder the general store owner and the hero could then become involved. Unlike previous novel attempts, the story flowed with no outline (other than in my mind).  I wrote the entire first draft in a few short weeks (and sleepless nights).  Along the way, I threw in the murder victim’s daughter for a romance angle, and a couple of inept bikers for comic relief. In my experience with the local chapter of Outlaws, I knew, although they are vicious and lawless, they are not necessarily CEO material. I needed the ineptness to keep our hero and damsel in distress from being killed in the first chapter.
As with my other novels I instinctively knew it was not worthy of publication despite the praise from my family. I tweaked and rewrote it a little at a time. Then I joined a writers’ group and started subbing chapters for review. The Internet Writers Workshop provided unbiased criticism of my writing and succinct suggestions of how to make it better. Slap myself in the forehead. Why hadn’t I seen those flaws before? The manuscript slowly changed into a publishable novel. I learned how to write an acceptable query letter and started submitting the manuscript to publishers. Even though I knew OUTLAWS was a vast improvement over all my previous novels, I had little confidence is getting it published (thanks to all my previous rejections).
When I was asked to submit the entire manuscript to an eBook publishing house (Musa Publishing), I was thrilled beyond compare, and shocked with disbelief, when two weeks later, they offered me a contract to publish the book. It will be released on Amazon and Musa Publishing on May 18, 2012.
Dreams can become reality. If you count sheep to get to sleep -- write a story about sheep.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Book Review: "Designed for Death" by Jean Harrington


Some well-worn clichés dot Designed for Death by Jean Harrington, but so does a well-knitted plot that delves deeper than most cozies into the character of its protagonist, Deva Dunne. I openly admit I like a bit more meat to my mysteries, but I do like a nice cozy once in a while so I can stop having nightmares, smile a bit, and watch in amazement how mysterious our lives must seem to those who don't know us well.

When Deva finds the murdered body of a new tenant at her condo unit in Naples, Florida, all the secrets about her neighbors come pouring out as well as the obligatory dropping of hints about the murder along with the foreshadowing of the approaching hurricane. Hey, it's Florida! It's going to have one. I admit upfront, the author did fool me for 83% of the book about who the murderer was. That's good. I like an author who can slap me across the cheeks with red herrings without the plot smelling like rotting fish. The usual 'I can't believe she's going to do that' moments in the story happened, but that's how cozy mysteries move the plot. The lead character is Lucille (Lucy) Esmeralda McGillicuddy Ricardo nosy, even when she doesn't intend to be.

I like the fact that the various quirky characters had some real life problems, financial issues, and personal struggles that made them seem a bit more human. But I don't by some of the physical characterizations. They were hard to accept or visualize at times. The author has even set us up for a series, which looks like a winner. This is a high-end "4"; cozy aficionados might even give it a high "5".

Monday, May 14, 2012

MMWUC: Pressure


I'm tired of all the phony-baloney, silly, gimmicky ways writers are told to trick themselves into writing the great American story. The next time you want to write something great, there is only one method to apply to your situation: PRESSURE.

It's 11 p.m. I have one hour to write this blog. I feel like I'm back in college. Old Professor Ginsberg, who was probably twenty years younger than I am now, waited patiently for my short story. I had slid from an opening day "A," when he was high all the time, to the mid-semester "C," a supposed guarantee to keep me out of the Vietnam-era draft with a student deferment, to now. I did little all semester in his class except read his repetitive stories about pigs while winning and losing and winning and losing the heart of some girl way out of my league who was extraordinary fickle. Why did he have to go to the first ever drug detox center over spring break? Progress against the war on drugs (low-grade weed then) killed me, and I had never even taken a toke. Clear-eyed, he said, "I'll give you a two day extension, but it better be a good story." PRESSURE!

"Physics for Poets" was easier than high school physics. Never went to class, but always went to lab; got A's on all the tests; got an F for the course. How was I supposed to know that attendance counted? And I couldn't appeal. He was head of the department! Philosophy I never got. Professor "Oh Wow! That's cool and outta sight," would roll up on his Harley, sit on the window ledge in his leather pants, and have mind-bending conversations with six over-caffeinated students in a class of thirty. Six A's were given with the twenty-four "C's". Batman Bladowicz's Introduction to Psychology should have been a breeze, but I forgot the golden rule. Never mention that at the age of seven, you took a tennis racket to a swarm of bats because you thought they were after you. As he stated in words colder and deeper than Count Dracula's command, 'Look into my eyes,' "They were after the mosquitoes swarming over sweaty, little body. You get a D." Can't argue with the world's foremost expert on bats. PRESSURE!!

A gym rat, it was easy to get an A in each of the one-credit courses: track (I ran it), tennis (since early on I could hit balls and bats with accuracy), and bowling (Dad's in the Hall of Fame in St. Louis and you have no idea how many hours I spent on the lanes). Add it up with the C, D, and F, and it meant that I needed to get a "B" for this 3,000 word minimum short story or I'd be meeting some smiling second lieutenant, ready to whisk me away to Fort Dix for grunt training and then Vietnam. PRESSURE!!!

Cola drinks, chocolate, and a closed door were my companions. I pounded out a story. It sucked. I pounded out another one. Worse. A day wasted. The girl came to the room. "I'm leaving." I nodded sheepishly. "It's over." I continued to nod. "He's my home phone." I stopped nodding. She left. The number was written on the back of silly love poem I wrote for her earlier that I didn't think affected her. The girl was an enigma. PRESSURE!!!!

Professor Ginsberg sat behind a desk piled high with enough paper to support the printing of the New York Times Sunday edition for the Bronx. "Have it?" "Yes, sir." I handed the story to him. "4,124 words. I'm surprised it's not 3,001." I nodded. The girl turned out to also be my muse, but was it enough. I left for home.

A week later, the formal grades arrived in the mail. I pulled it out as though I was defusing a bomb. My heart pounded and then stopped altogether. My "C" in Philosophy had morphed into a "D." I collapsed onto my bed. I was not a lucky person. I envisioned me as the guy who steps out of the plane at Da Nang, Vietnam and has an unfortunate accident with a doughnut in the greeting station. I had to face it. I pulled out the grades, and there, there was an "A" next to Creative Writing. And in the envelope was a note. "Your story, 'Those Lovesick Cafeteria Loves Again' was raw and brilliant. The words exploded off the page. I've sent it to an editor at the New Yorker for possible publication. I knew you could do it." - Alonzo Ginsberg.

Well, The New Yorker liked it, but never published it. The girl married someone else that summer. The story is in the drawer unpublished for reasons I can't explain. A year later, I joined the army, nearly got killed several times, and have a lot of great stories. As soon as NSA will let me, they will be published. Is that the repo-man outside? PRESSURE!!!!! It's 11:57 p.m.